Realize
by ZannkokuTennsi
Summary: Kogasa/Sanae. An ill Sanae one day wakes up in a white room.


Note: In this story, the name Gensokyo shall be given translated. In other words, it shall not be referred to as "Gensokyo" but rather as the "Land of Illusion" since that is what it means. However, "Gensokyo Chronicles" shall remain as is.

White wall.  
White ceiling.  
White bed.  
In an airtight room without a single window, of course I wouldn't be able to do anything.  
Like a cat grinding on the wall and standing on it tiptoes, of course there is no way to escape.  
In a quiet place without any sound except the needle of the clock, I was only able to hold my knees.

If I would notice, I am here.  
Since when was I here, or where is this place; I do not know either.  
However much I reach back into my memory, I still don't know how I came here, or if I was brought here.  
If there was at least a book, I would be able to kill time, but there was not a single scrap of paper.  
The room was nothing but white.  
There was only one thing, peeking at the door.  
Food is periodically given from a bay window.  
When I woke up, there wasn't a panic-like fuss, but by looking at the bay window from where food comes, I knew that there was people here.  
Well, it would only be natural for people to be here.  
I misunderstood that this place was a world where I was alone by myself.  
However, actually, there is definitely a door over there, a person's hand, and food.  
In other words, I am living in this cage.  
When I came to know that, little by little, I calmed back down.  
Well, even so, being able to calm back down didn't amount to much.  
However much I try to remember, it would be impossible to remember something that I did not even know in the first place.  
On the contrary, I don't even know whether the food given is breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  
I do not know anything.  
I also do not know the meaning of the medicine that is always given along with the food, and I drink it without knowing what it's for.  
It wouldn't be good not to take what is given, after all.  
But, I do not even know what in the world that medicine is.  
Since the medicine was given, surely this is a hospital, and surely I am ill.  
It would be natural to think that.  
There was not even a window―I think I have seen it somewhere before, perhaps in a manga: a mental hospital.  
Perhaps my mind became ill, so I came here.  
However, even though I derived the answer that this was obviously a hospital, in the end is this truly a hospital?  
If I would notice, I am here, and it may be that I have been taken captive by someone.  
If that were true, then I would know the reason why I have no memory of before I came here.  
If I really was taken captive, then it wouldn't be any good to drink the medicine.  
It may be a dangerous medicine to make me go insane.  
However, if I try defying it, I don't know what would happen.  
If I were to be killed, then it is not a question of how to escape.  
In the end, I am not able to do anything.  
I am not able to do anything except to live in the environment I am given.  
The room was white.  
Only the door was an inorganic metallic color, and that color helped protected a slice of my sanity.  
If this room were entirely white, then I would have gone insane a long time ago.  
Yes... definitely, no mistake, go insane.

"Is someone... looking?"

It is not that I particularly felt somebody's gaze on me.  
If there was nobody looking, then I would be meaningless talking to myself.  
Even if that were so, I would not mind.  
Since nobody is here, there is no need to use my voice.  
There was also a small hope that perhaps someone might respond.  
However, my truth goal was still something else.  
If I would notice, I, who have even forgotten how to use my voice, am here.  
My vocal cords that have not been used for some time cannot give out anything except a husky groan.  
Thinking that this is no good, I began talking to myself.  
It can't be helped that this is an empty act, and it is much better than not being able to use my voice anymore, so on this occasion, I shall endure that.  
If I were not able to use my voice when I get out of this room, then it would literally be nothing worth speaking of.

"There is... nobody here, right? I understand, there is nobody here, and certainly nobody is looking. To speak to myself... seems foolish, doesn't it?"

While scorning and laughing at myself "hahaha," I set on to continue talking to myself.  
Definitely, there is no reply.  
Only the reflection of my voice in this room, emptily echoes.

"I... what am I here for?"

It was not a question directed to anybody, but a question directed to myself.  
My memory is all muddy right now. I must become calm and sort it out for at least once.  
Certainly, just considering my mental condition, my mind may have been ill before I woke up.  
I became unable to understand the boundary between dreams and reality.  
My figure, leaving my house like I always do, going to school like I always do.  
Immediately after that, a fantasy world that was out of this era unfolded before my eyes.  
There, Youkai strode about, a world of illusion where magic flew about.  
While thinking that, at the next instant, I received an ordinary lesson at school.  
I certainly did like manga and novels, but I did not have an intention of confusing it with reality.  
...but, since I really did confuse them, there's no helping it even if I deny it, since before I came here I was probably immersed in that.  
In other words, I lost sight of the boundary between the real world and the illusionary world, and came into this hospital as an insane person.  
Ah, such a thing like this...  
Even though I tried analyzing it calmly, I would not be able to return to my original life if that were true.  
Since even though I returned to normal, the people around me would surely not accept it the same way.  
In the first place, if this were a mental hospital, whatever I say, the doctor will surely just write it off as another saying by a mad person.  
If that were so, then my wish to get out of here surely cannot be granted, and my complaints will not reach anyone.  
Aaah, such a thing like this...  
As for that strange power that I used in the dream world, surely the I right here would not be able to use it.  
Even if I recovered my strength and tried to escape, to get caught and thrown back into this room is probably all I will accomplish.  
Perhaps, I might even be put into an even more terrible room than this one.  
Something like a punishment room, and if I am imprudent, I might not be able to receive food anymore.  
The risk is so high; let's stop.  
It would be best to quietly appeal to the doctor here that I am normal.

"Even so, it truly is―a pathetic delusion… mmnh"

My head hurt just by imagining it.  
As a matter of fact, it was quite pitiful. What kind of middle school student am I?  
The power of miracles to save people? A cute heroine who adores me?  
There's no reason for those kinds of this to exist.  
Generally, even though I am a women, why is my partner also a woman?  
Certainly, if there was a heroine that is as cute as I would fantasize, then I would consider it, but such a cute girl certainly couldn't exist; dreams are dreams, after all.  
My headache throbbed, and my stomach ache lingered.  
My stomach hurts.  
I understood that my head hurt, but why is my stomach hurting?  
It is probably a stomach ache from stress. Yes.  
Ah, but, that doesn't really seem to be so.  
It is not that my insides hurt; a wound I received from the outside throbbed.  
I opened my hospital gowns to confirm how my stomach was.  
There, a bandage has been wrapped around and around.  
A completely white bandage, and that, no mistake, is a scar left from healing.  
In other words, below that bandage, there is probably some kind of wound there.  
What in the world is this?  
To take off the bandage is... a little scary, so let's stop for now.  
Since it is a rather large bandage like this, it is definitely a deep wound.  
Perhaps I was taken to this hospital due to this wound.  
As a result of being taken in by painful delusions all the time, did I, in the end, stab myself in the stomach with a knife?  
No way, how could that kind of thing...  
It couldn't be, could it?  
It's scary that I can't say for sure that it wasn't.  
At any rate, my memories as of now are completely muddied.  
The memories in my head can't all be correct.  
At least, among the memories I have right now, the thing that matches with this wound is―

A white canvas.  
Red paint.  
Reality.  
Illusion.  
Boundary line.

―No, not a single bit, there was nothing like this at all.  
That is not a memory, but a mere delusion.  
What I should recall are memories from reality.

"What should I do..."

I jumped into the bed.  
It was quite comfortable, so it is probably a down quilt bed.  
It really is quite an effective hospital, and it may just be quite a large hospital.  
At least, it would be good to know about how things are outside, but if there is no window, then there would be no bars, so I am completely shut out from everything outside.

"Hahh... my head seems all weird."

I am able to speak now, so I still have some wiggling room.  
At least, right now, my condition is normal.  
No mistake, normal.  
It is free time.  
If there was some puzzle here, then I would be able to kill some of my free time.  
The next time the doctor comes here, perhaps I can try to ask for a book or a puzzle or something.

"Ahh― free time free time free time..."

I wriggled a little on the bed.  
... I am tired.  
No good, it's pointless; anything I do is futile.  
Let's just try sleeping like this.  
Since I just woke up, I don't know if I will be able to sleep, but there is nothing to gain even if I were awake, so it would be better to sleep.  
I should preserve my stamina for when it becomes important.  
With that regards, I've heard before that people who are sleeping are sorting out their memory.  
If that's true, if I were to sleep and wake up, perhaps I might be able to remember why I am here.  
It is not a zero chance probability.

"Humm, let's sleep."

My eyes close.  
I relax some force from my body.  
Am I not sleepy yet?  
If so, then let's count sheep.  
One sheep, two sheep, three sheep―

.

.

.

.

The world was white.  
Or, the world was red.  
A pure white, and a pure red.  
On a white canvas, red paint was smeared all around.  
The red paint hardened in various areas; it was a dirty dark red paint.  
Perhaps I received pleasure from seeing something being besmirched.  
No, that wasn't it.  
That is probably a spell, or at least that is what I thought, and what I etched into my mind by thinking that.  
―The spell, cut by words, was a spell to end dreams.  
To return home to reality, and thus end my dream.  
The world was impossible; it was impossible for anyone to be there.  
A lie.  
That right now was definitely a lie.  
It was not white drawing paper, but definitely drawing paper that was smeared all white, and was probably originally a different color.  
Since I am not able to peel off the paint that smeared the world, it might be good to redraw the original image relying on my memory.  
For example, red, crimson, scarlet.  
But, who decided that this was a lie?  
It may be the truth, and perhaps only I may be the dream.  
But my consciousness judged that this is a dream.  
And so I have decided.  
Since I am a god, a celebrated god worshiped by everyone, I have decided that I have that kind of right.  
So, whatever I decide is fine.  
Yes, this is a dream; all of this is just way too good, too convenient.  
This kind of convenience would not be allowed in any manga, and I would not allow it either.  
It would at least become all clean for it to end by falling from my dream.  
I have seen this kind of dream, several years earlier, at an age when I did not see dreams as dreams.  
For example, while returning home from school, for a door to suddenly open to another world, and it were to be noticed, to see a never-before-seen scene unfold before my eyes.  
There, to meet a good looking boy, and to run away together.  
For me to actually have some kind of secret power, and for that power to be the key to saving the world.  
In the very end, to have a sad parting.  
But to definitely still wait to meet again, and to part with a "see you next time."  
For the two to hug each other, and approach each other's lips.  
That kind of dream.  
It is a dream; I have decided so.  
Therefore, this is also a dream.  
But it won't end, and endless dreams are scary; since the dream won't end, I made it end.  
But, it won't end.  
On the canvas, I drew a red magic circle.  
Perhaps the magic power was not enough, and the power of my wish was not enough.  
If that were so, if that was the only thing that was not enough, then...  
Once more, I smeared it with paint.  
The canvas was dyed completely red.  
The dream ends.  
It finally ends.  
The world returns to black.

.

.

.

.

"Have you woken up?"

There is someone in front of me.  
Perhaps this is a continuation of the dream, or perhaps it is reality.  
Confirm, cognize, and process the surroundings.  
Everything is white.  
Even the walls, the ceiling, it is all completely white.  
Only the door is a cold metallic color; surely, it definitely is reality.  
Just a little, I am relieved.  
Since dreams are scary, it is good that this is reality.

"Good morning, doctor."  
"Eh, morning."  
"Ah, doctor."  
"What is it?"  
"This room, since there are no windows and the walls are all white, it doesn't seem to me to be an ordinary hospital... could it perhaps be a mental hospital?"  
"Relax, this is not a mental hospital."  
"Is that so?"  
"Eh, it is just a hospital, an ordinary hospital.  
You were injured so you were carried here."

Without even windows, in a room that is completely white, there is a metal door that is always closed.  
Is there really a hospital like this―and even if so, it doesn't seem to be a normal hospital.  
This is not a place that normal patients go to.  
If what the doctor said is true, then assured me; what in the world is this place?  
At one glance, she seems to be a gentle doctor, but I don't know anything about what she is thinking underneath.  
After all, I feel that this person is somehow―skilled at making a poker face.  
But, truly, somehow.  
After all, surely she is someone who I have never seen before, so that is nothing more than a first impression.

"I have something I want to ask of you; would you mind?"  
"No, it is fine."

Definitely something like counseling, isn't it?  
The doctor made a smiling face that gave the impression that she would not harm a living thing, and threw a question at me.  
What kind of thing is she hiding behind that smiling face?  
She is speaking with a human who was in an abnormal condition, so she is surely looking down at me.  
No, it is that she has a strange appearance that I would not see in any ordinary town.  
Perhaps something like cosplay, or some eccentric fashion.  
At least, it does not match my common sense; it is a kind of costume that I would see in a manga or anime.  
There is no mistaking that she was a doctor, but would it really be alright with this kind of doctor?  
Even so, to talk to myself would definitely be more capricious than to at least talk with someone.

"Would it be good for you to introduce yourself?"  
"Since I entered into a hospital, don't you know the personal data?"  
"At least to confirm it once; I want to hear it from the your own mouth."  
"I understand. My name is Sanae Kochiya, and until just recently, I was a student.  
No, even now... perhaps I am a student, and since I don't know about how things are outside, I don't know how things are now.  
As I am in such a place as this, perhaps I may have been dropped out."  
It's not that I created a really big problem, and I think I am a quite an ordinary student.  
Ah, but since my home is a shrine, I also work there as a shrine maiden.  
The things I like are..."  
"That is enough, since I already understand it generally.  
Just until recently, you were a student, eh?  
Then, when you look at my face, is there nothing that you remember?  
For example... right, like my name."  
"The doctor's name?"

I stare fixedly at her face.  
By the way the way the doctor talked, I am acquainted with the doctor.  
No, perhaps it may be a test to see if I am having that kind of delusion.  
Surely I said to the doctor that I have confused dreams and reality.  
If I make a mistake here, surely I would not be able to leave.  
I would definitely be labeled as a human with abnormal mind, be given some strange medicine, and lose my free will.  
Quite scary.  
Even though it is definitely my first time meeting with the doctor, for some reason, I have the feeling that I have seen the doctor's face before.  
I try to remember and search all around the corners of my memory.  
... I found it.  
But, that was within the dream; I have seen the doctor in the dream.  
I have also talked with her, and have been cured by her.  
So, that is not correct; I have not seen the doctor before―this is correct.  
What a scary quiz this is for sure, since I narrowly got caught there.

"I don't know"  
"Truly?"  
"Eh, I don't know."  
"I see; well, let's move on to the next question."

The doctor indifferently continues with the questions.  
She tells me people's names one after another, asking, "do you know this person?"  
Reimu Hakurei, Marisa Kirisame, Sakuya Izayoi...  
They are all names that I have heard before, but I answer "I don't know" to all of them.  
After all, all of those names are those that have appeared in my dreams.  
Those kinds of people certainly aren't real, so "no" is correct, and this quiz ends with the doctor's defeat.

"This is the last one."  
"Okay."

Somehow, the next one is also definitely going to be "don't know."  
Since that was the case up until now, the next will also be.  
It has become a pattern.  
A name that surely exists in my memories, but are not real.  
How is it that this doctor knows the names of the residents of my dream that nobody else would know except myself?  
Perhaps I might have left it written on a note.  
Their written names, their details, and the names of moves that they had.  
A girl that has grown rabbit years.  
On top of the kanji, ruby of katakana.  
Although she has the appearance of a small girl, she has always been actually older.  
A god that protected me.  
―A shrine maiden girl that protected the land.  
A troublesome girl, but who would come to fight when it was needed.  
A magician.  
Youkai.  
Vampire.  
Oni.

"Kogasa Tatara."

Kogasa Tatara.  
... Kogasa.

"..."

A paper umbrella.  
Lips.  
Odd eye.

"..."

Scent.  
Warmth.  
Softness.

"I don't know... I don't know.  
I don't know that kind of girl."  
"... I see."

Silence for a little while.  
For some reason, I feel that things have become unfavorable; is my illness really that bad?  
Perhaps it might have been better to answer "I knew" to all the questions.  
But, all of them were within my dream, and they can't be real.  
This is definitely acting on the doctor's part.  
An act in order to bewilder me.

"Does your stomach hurt?"  
"This injury? It is alright now, although it does throb sometime.  
But what kind of injury is this? It seems to a rather large wound.  
I have no idea what it is."  
"It is a stab wound."  
"St-, a stab wound!"  
"I guess that it can't be helped that you can't recall it; calmly try to remember it."

Somehow, it seems to be something that I do know.  
If what the doctor says is true, then I should be able to remember it.  
However... how could it truly have been a stab wound?  
For me to be stabbed with some kind of blade, perhaps I was dragged into a dangerous incident.  
That is a scary thought, truly scary.  
Who on earth was I stabbed by?  
With a bang, the doctor closed her book that looked like a chart that she had with, and then calmly stood up.  
It appears that this meeting shall end with this.  
There are some signs of fatigue on the doctor's face; she is definitely a busy person.  
I thought that it surely was some kind of counseling, but it now appears not to be the case.  
She only told just the names of some people, and worried just a little about the injury at the end.  
What in the world was that; I also feel like I received an interrogation.  
The doctor silently turns her back towards me, and is about to leave.  
If I don't ask for it now, there may not be another chance.  
Even if there is another chance, surely it'll be a few days later.  
To stay still in this white room is torturous for even one day.  
To even think about this continuing for several days, my heart might just break.

"Doctor, could I ask for something?"  
"What is it?"  
"This room is nothing but all white and has nothing in it.  
Like this, I can only stare at these walls; for my free time, could I ask for some kind of book or something?"  
"Alright"

It was quite easily agreed to.  
Like this, I can say good-bye to my life of staring motionlessly at the wall.  
I would like it if she brought me a book of some genre that I liked, but as this doctor has such a strange appearance, she might bring me a strange book that I have never seen before.  
What will I do if it was a language that I don't know, like for example hieroglyphs, or cuneiforms.  
It might be a book of a lost civilization.  
Of course I wouldn't be able to read such things, although it might be interesting to decipher them.  
I have more time now than I can possibly use, so a puzzling book would be a good way to kill time.  
That night, a book was given with the evening meal.  
As expected, it was a strange book.  
It was excessively massive, and just from its appearance, it looks like a splendid history, but if it doesn't cover the Onin War, then it wouldn't mention the Battle of Sekigahara either.  
A whole lot of events that I'm not familiar with and words that I don't know appear one after another.

"The Gensokyo Chronicles, huh."

It seems to be notes written along someone's delusions.  
Perhaps it may be a legend that was made up by somebody's imagination, for example something like Cthulu.  
It is a difficult book, so I won't just throw it away.  
Actually, reading things like this is interesting.  
I pray in a similar fashion to this type of book―while praying like that, I started to flip the pages of the book.

.

.

.

.

Time to wish that it would be fine if everything were a dream.  
It was a time when most things were unpleasant.  
As it was unpleasant, I wanted to reset the world and make it never have happened in the first place, and therefore I escaped to the dream.  
If I were asked, "so, was it so bad that you wanted to escape to a dream," the answer is "no."  
There was no problem.  
Living as a living god (arahitogami), gathering faith, being worshipped.

"Ohh, kami-sama, kami-sama has come here."

An old man is worshipping me.  
An old woman is embracing my legs.  
People are praying for miracles from me.

Kami-sama, kami-sama.

"I am grateful; I am grateful"

Just by performing a few miracles, people's eyes would light up and they would worship me.  
It's a feeling that I have even become a god.  
No, I actually was a god.  
I am a living god; I am a kami-sama.

"Hey, Sanae"

I also had a new friend.  
She adored me, and I adored her.  
A girl so cute that she doesn't seem to be of this world.  
To think about it, youkai are not of this world in the first place, so of course she would so cute that she doesn't seem from this world.  
In any case, she is cute, and if I were to realize, I have come to like her.  
And she also seems to like me.  
So it was mutual love, and there was no problem.  
Though were both girls, this is Gensokyo so there is no problem at all.  
Therefore, we kissed.  
It was only a kiss by touching, and with just that, it was enough happiness for me to shiver.  
It was as if it were magic.

"S-, Sanae!"  
"I like you, I love you."  
"... Y-, yes. Me too.  
Ah, I love… you."

Making her cheeks red, and making that beautiful odd-eye blink.  
Murmuring in a small voice, "what to do, what to do."  
It's only inevitable that kind of girl would be so dear to me.  
Truly, inevitable.  
I was a kami-sama.  
I had someone I liked.  
I was worshipped.  
Loved.  
Just about everything was satisfying.  
The world was, filled to its limit.

"Surely this Land of Illusion is a I wonderful place that I have come to."

That time when I was genuinely surprised was terribly nostalgic.  
Even though it was not all that far in the past.  
As if I have gone to a place further away than anywhere else.

.

.

.

.

Even though it is in a dream, I am seeing a dream.  
Even though it is good for sorting out memories, I worry if it it would also sort out dreams.  
Even though it was a question of what was real.  
Really, what should I do?  
If by some small chance, I caused trouble for my friends at school, what should I do?  
To work like normal, marry like normal; perhaps I could live a normal life as a girl.  
If I say I have been in a mental hospital in the, men would probably draw away from me.

"Mnn... I am tired."

A book called the Gensokyo Chrocnicles, which I started reading from a few days , by reading it, I somehow discovered new things, so it was interesting.  
Although it was definitely an illusionary history, it was written as if it were true history.  
For a world like this to exist in a place I don't know somewhere far away seems like the kind of delusion I would have.  
Delusions are no good and are nothing but poison to me right now.  
But, I can't stop reading.  
In this book, there are incidents mentioned that I seem to have seen before.  
They were events that I have seen in my dream.  
Ah, yes.  
As there are things in this book that are consistent with my dream, that was one of the reasons I was even further immersed in this book.  
I may have felt something like fate.

"... hahh, even so"

After that day, the doctor has not even visited this hospital room once.  
Even though food and changes of clothing are given, I don't hear anything other than that.  
What should I do; when I leave this place, perhaps around one year may have already elapsed from the Japan that I knew.  
Urashima Tarou... it wouldn't be as big as that, but it would definitely be a similar phenomenon to that.  
Popular actors would disappear, and music that I have never heard would become popular.  
What shall I do if a terrorist incident occurred and a lot of people died?  
It is not that I would be able to stop disasters and terrorism if I was able to go outside, but perhaps I would be able to mourn for the dead.  
Ah, truly scary.  
For time to pass without being able to do anything, without doing anything―that itself is scary, and makes me irritated.  
If I have been in this kind of place for a year, then surely I would have been out of school for a year.  
Things like if I will be able to make new friends.  
Things like if I will be able to get along with my original friends.  
Deluding that far, and then to return to the first fundamental question of whether I would truly be able to return back to society.  
In this way, while going around and around in my mind with the same worries over and over, I heard a knocking sound from outside.

"Is it the doctor?"  
"Eh, I am going in."  
"Alright."

Even if there is a small time difference, perhaps I may be able to do something with rumors.  
The doctor has shown her appearance for the first time in a while.  
By looking at the doctor's entire body, I can tell that her style seems to be awfully good.  
One might misunderstand and think she was a model or something.  
I have enough self-confidence to think it wouldn't outmatch my style, but I as young as I am, I wouldn't be able to match that adult kind of sexiness that she gives off.  
The ideal kind of doctor that people would want to lay with might indicate this kind of doctor.  
If she were to say something like "I am giving an injection" while leaning forward, then the gentlemen would also helplessly lean forward.

"What is it?"  
"There is someone who wants to meet you. Is that fine?"  
"I don't mind, but for someone who would come especially to meet me, who could it be?  
Is it a friend?"  
"Half right, and also half off."  
Half friend-like―what could such a thing mean?

To come from afar... maybe, although I am not sure it was far, but for a friend to come to this kind of place to visit me, it must be a friend I must have a really good relationship with.  
Whoever it is, since it is someone who cares enough about me to come here to meet me, there is no reason to refuse.

"Alright, come in."  
"... oh, okay."

The voice of a girl quivered.  
It appears that she is tense.  
Perhaps it may be a girl who has some relation to the wound on my stomach.  
Ah, I see.  
Half of it is that she is a friend, so the other half is the incident.  
That is what the doctor wanted to say.  
Who the heck is she, and what kind of girl is she?  
What should I do if it is the one who stabbed me?  
What should I do if it is the one I stabbed?  
I don't know.  
Because I don't know who that person is―

"Sanae..., umm... are you fine?"

The room was white.  
Like always, the doctor did not come.  
Alone, I continue to turn over the pages of the Gensokyo Chronicles.  
Bit by bit, I race along the tales of the dream written in it.  
That place was definitely not a peaceful one, and it at least had more fights than where I live, and there were also many strange events.  
But, everyone seemed happy.  
Even though it is only an ordinary history book, I already understand how much their lives were complete.  
There was not a single person who thought that they wanted to end their life halfway through right there.  
An ideal everyday life.  
An ideal world.  
A dream-like world.

"If I were in that place, I would surely live so happily I wouldn't be able to believe it."

While saying such silly things, I turned my eyes to the wall.  
Although it was definitely a completely white room, there existed a red dot.  
Since when was this kind of thing here, as it definitely was not here until now.  
I was about to get close to it and wipe it with my hand, but before I touched it, the dot disappeared.  
Even if I tried getting close to it again, it disappeared the same way.  
I tried running to it, but as expected, it disappeared.  
I tried this again and again, moving my shoulder up and down enough to make me grasp for breath, until I gave up.  
When I came close, it would disappear, and when it disappeared, a new dot would come.  
What kind of trap is this; could it be that the doctor dislikes me?  
This time, I shall listen.  
I am tired for today, and closing the Gensokyo Chronicles, I closed my eyes and try to sleep.  
I am not sure that it is night, but since I am sleepy, it is night.  
When I did not get close to them, the dots would get carried away and steadily multiply.  
Drip, drop―new dots would come about.  
Well, whatever; if I close my eyes, I don't need to mind such things.  
Good night.  
Good night.  
Tomorrow, it would surely be good to be able to leave this hospital.

.

.

...

.

.

"It's fine; she is calmed down now."  
"Has she; that's good..."

It was quite unexpected that Kogasa herself said that she wanted to meet Sanae.  
Eirin did at any rate want to get Sanae and Kogasa to meet, but she thought it would take great effort to persuade Kogasa to do so.  
However, she easily hid that thought.  
Starting from before the wound has healed, Kogasa requested several times to "have her meet Sanae."  
That time, she was not yet awake.  
After all, as a youkai and living god, the wound healed faster than it would for a normal person, but in contrast to the wound's healing speed, Sanae did not wake up at all.  
Therefore, Kogasa and Sanae were not able to meet.  
Even when she woke up, it wouldn't do any good for them to meet immediately, since her mental condition might not be normal.  
If things are not handled well, Kogasa might be stabbed again.

"As for you, are you fine?"  
"Yes, I am fine."  
"It's not that; what I want to say is..."  
"If I have received any mental damage?  
I am fine with that regards.  
Somehow, I was able to predict this kind of thing.  
Also, just a little, I thought that something good came out of it.  
I thought before about what I would do if Sanae's hugged me while my stomach was in pain, but for it to actually happen, it makes me riotously cheerful.  
I am physically fine so it is alright, since mentally, I will be cheerful again sooner or later."  
"Do you intend to wait until then?"  
"It would be good if I didn't have to wait for long, but what does the doctor think?"  
"... ahh, well."

Their wounds were not lethal in the first place.  
They were definitely deep wounds, but somehow, the knife that stabbed the two miraculously avoided the internal organs.  
Sanae was a bit sane inside, but perhaps it may be a result of unconsciously using her power of miracles.  
However, that piece of sanity was very small, and if she protected her sanity just a little more, this incident probably would not have occurred in the first place.

Even though she only heard of it from others, it was understood that it was a gruesome incident.  
For some reason, Sanae Kochiya, by her own hands, stabbed her lover Kogasa Tatara―and in front of her eyes, she stabbed her own stomach the same way.  
It was not a sane act.  
As for how Sanae become insane, it is said that nobody knows what caused it.

"As I don't know the reason she became insane, there's nothing I can say.  
I already asked about it up until now, but let me ask more today.  
Do you know anything? Since you are probably always beside her, I don't mind if it's something small."  
"I said it several times, but I don't know at all.  
Certainly, there were a few that things seemed strange to me, but I know nothing about the cause.  
Even though Sanae said that it was so much happiness that it was unbelievable, and just about everything was certainly fine..."

Eirin asked the same questions over and over, but the answers that came back were always the same.  
It is not that they were the same word-for-word, but there was nothing that was different in substance.  
... However.

"'So much happiness that it was unbelievable,' eh?  
Is that something that she herself said from her own mouth?"  
"Yes, I remember it said several times.  
Looking at my face, while laughing, saying 'so much happiness that it was unbelievable.'  
When I was kissed, I was so happy, that I could think that it would be alright even if I died that instant.  
Ah, but I wouldn't really want to die, since I want to be with Sanae more."

Leaving aside Kogasa's words of fondness, excluding the excessive detail, she picked out a word that might be a clue.  
So much happiness that it was unbelievable.  
So much happiness that it would be fine to die that instant.  
Those two phrases somehow stuck in Eirin's mind.

"Sanae has come from the outside world just recently, right?"  
"Yes, I have heard about it."  
"Do you know about what she did in the outside world?"

Just recently, she got some information from Sanae's self-introduction, but she doesn't know how much of what Sanae said was reliable.  
If Sanae really was in a normal condition, then she certainly wouldn't introduce herself as an ordinary student.  
The reason being, Sanae, until just recently, was the shrine maiden of the Moriya Shrine.  
She herself did not remember.  
Perhaps her memory was temporarily damaged, or perhaps she herself intentionally sealed her memory.

"Yes, even though she said that it was nothing much to talk about.  
Certainly, perhaps it was a little different to be able to talk to the gods, but other than that, she was quite an ordinary student."  
"Quite an ordinary student..."

For someone who is just an ordinary student, would they be clung to and worshipped by people?  
Wielding a power beyond human comprehension, appearing before people as a god, and receiving faith in herself.  
Of course, other than Sanae, there was also Kanako and Suwako who were also gods.  
However, to actually go to the human village and gather people's faith was Sanae's role.  
Ah, certainly everything was done successfully.  
She carried out her role as a god, also had a lover Kogasa; it was a smooth-sailing life.  
Surely, it was a complete life that could not be any better.  
It was happiness that a person surely cannot achieve, a happiness that would be impossible in the outside world.  
Without a flaw, it was perfect happiness.

"Hey, do you know who is it that gave the name of this place, the Land of Illusion?"  
"... Why is it, that you say that all of a sudden?"  
"Don't you think it is a romantic name, the Land of Illusion?  
I somewhat like the name; it somehow seems to be fleeting, and would disappear immediately.  
But of course, even when speaking of Illusion, certainly we exist here.  
We are here as a reality."  
"Of couse.  
If I were to say that talking to Doctor Eirin right now was a dream, I wouldn't believe anything anymore."  
"Yes, not to believe anything, and to be suspicious about everything.  
It is just one hypothesis, but would you care to listen to it once?"  
"Well, was the previous conversation necessary, doctor?"  
"It is necessary, since it is a hypothesis that is based on this conversation.  
Perhaps Sanae has not accepted her sudden change in her environment.  
Didn't those gods say it before? That 'as expected, the Land of Illusion readily accepted us.'  
It was a happy miscalculation on their part, since they found a place where they could steadily receive faith without any labor.  
That miscalculation could perhaps be what started this.  
If Sanae got used to the Land of Illusion more slowly, perhaps it wouldn't have turned out like this."  
"Do you mean, before she met me?"  
"Eh, it is not it was a direct cause, as it was just one reason.  
After that, the Moriya Shrine was able to accumulate faith just fine.  
By going to the human village and showing people the power of miracles, Sanae became quite a significant existence.  
As a result, there were even old people who always revered Sanae even when she just went to buy things.  
She was worshipped by people as a god, saved people's lives with a power of miracles beyond humans, and thus acquired a lover beyond humans.  
Loved unconditionally, by that lover."

As for what kind of life she had in the outside world, neither Eirin nor Kogasa knew.  
Even so, at least she didn't live an over-satisfied life like she did since she came to the Land of Illusion.  
Since the gods of the Moriya Shrine were no longer able to get faith in the outside world, they ran away to the Land of were not worshipped like they were now, and she was not able to use the power of miracles like she does now.

"So, as a certification, the name of this place.  
Although it was not a major cause, perhaps it more or less had a negative effect on Sanae, right?"  
"The name... Land of Illusion?"  
"Yes, the Land of Illusion. Fantasy world.  
Isn't it a self-introduction saying that this place was not real, with the result that she lost some sense of reality?  
Although it is difficult for us, who have lived in what those outside have always called a 'fantasy' world, to understand this feeling, certainly to Sanae, this world is a dream-like place.  
Resultantly, she was not able to bear how different this place was to the outside world, and Sanae, excessively happy as she was, regarded this world as a dream.  
A dream with no awakening.  
Perhaps she always worried about how to end it.  
As a result, the answer that guided her was... no, it was not a lukewarm answer like that.  
She was not able to receive an answer, and as a result of becoming further and further lost―"

.

.

On that day, she was called over by Kanako who had a ghastly pale face, and headed to the Moriya Shrine.  
It was surely not an ordinary occurrence for those gods, who would usually keep cool and composed, to be panicked this much.  
Bringing along Udonge, Eirin headed towards the Moriya Shrine.  
Suwako was there, and although she seemed to be calmer than Kanako, her face was definitely paler than Kanako.  
Guided by Suwako, Eirin entered the shrine.  
Unexpectedly, she was guided to the kitchen.  
Two people were wrapped in red aprons, collapsed on the kitchen flower hugging each other.  
At that time, blood was profusely flowing out.  
One of the two... Sanae Kochiya, was clutching a knife in her hand.  
There was blood stuck onto the knife, and it was glowing with light, shining a dark red color.  
If they were strangers or two who held some resentment against each other, then it might have been possible that they met each other with knives and accidentally stabbed each other.  
However, just from what she heard others say about them, those two were lovers.  
There not a bit of hatred existed between them, and they were lovers that anyone would be jealous of.  
Furthermore, there was not a single trace that the two have ever fought.  
The two also probably were cooking, since in the kitchen, there was one fish turned over.  
They also had matching aprons, and they did not look disheveled.  
However, the blood flowing out of the stomach was oozing onto the apron, and what was surely originally white was stained red.  
In a steady stream, even then blood was continuing to flow.  
There was only knife, so simply considering that, it probably was that one stabbed the other, and then stabbed herself.  
It was not a normal act, but a matter of insanity.  
It would have been better to think that a third party sneaked in and stabbed the two, and tried to frame Sanae for it.  
Eirin, at that time, did not think more than that.  
It was the usual gruesome scene, and it would be endless to think more about what caused this, and will just result in feeling down.  
Right now, it was time to focus on the treatment.  
In the end, the two's wounds miraculously avoided the internal organs, and there was not a single wound that was a matter of life or death.  
...even so, according to the words of Kogasa who had woken up sometime later, it became clear what the reality was at that time.  
The reality was simple.

"Sanae stabbed my stomach, and afterwards stabbed her own stomach.  
She said something, but at that time, I did not hear it clearly.  
But... I remember clearly that Sanae was crying.  
Laughing, and crying..."

.

.

"... Could it perhaps be my fault?"  
"No, it is Sanae's fault; that weak child was in the wrong.  
Well, if my hypothesis is correct, that is."

She talked at length, but she has still not given out a mountain-load of hypotheses.  
However, just by looking at Sanae's reaction when Kogasa met Sanae previously, it doesn't seem incorrect.

"I think the doctor's hypothesis is correct."  
"Is it? I have some self-confidence in it as well."

She had opened her eyes, intent on saying "it's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie."  
When Kogasa got closer, Sanae's voice correspondingly got louder, which changed to shouting voice.  
"It's a dream, it's all a lie, I don't know of it."  
Then, while holding her head with bold hands, Sanae was shouting while shaking right and left.  
She was confused.  
Before, when she was talking to Eirin, she insisted that she was normal, but probably no one who looked at Sanae at that time would think that she was normal.

"But you now, the reason for Sanae's violence may or may not be as I have said.  
But now, what made Sanae insane might be something else.  
That would be even more troublesome, wouldn't it?"  
"What, a different cause?"  
"She stabbed because she thought it was a dream, and believed she would return to reality.  
But, Sanae was not able to return to reality.  
It was because what she stabbed was definitely her existence in reality, the most important one.  
From her point of view, it was an important goal to end the dream, wasn't it?  
But, to those around her, it couldn't seem to be anything other than one who has gone insane and tried to stab her lover without any meaning.  
Sanae would surely understand that much.  
Therefore, she would definitely not come back and acknowledge that.  
It would be all trouble if the Land of Illusion were not a dream, since when Sanae opened her eyes again, when she met you, she would surely not be forgiven.  
Therefore, she would not forgive herself who stabbed you"

As a result, Sanae became confused when she saw Kogasa.  
A lover who definitely shouldn't have existed talked to Sanae with a smiling face.  
The dream that definitely should have died, been killed, and ended, was standing in front of her like reality.  
Sanae couldn't acknowledge that reality.

"To say it honestly, even though I know the cause, I don't know what to do.  
For now, since I was asked for help from the gods and from you, I tried some kind of make-believe counseling, but that's not my main occupation.  
You are part of the cause for her attempt to escape, so in the end, so perhaps only you would be able to do something"  
"But Sanae shouted and struggled just by looking at me, so it's not like I can do anything, right?"  
"Then shall we try using tranquilizers?  
Ah-, that's probably no good―if I go to her and inject something, then she would take that as a reason why the dream would not end.  
It seems that she also wrote off the previous events as a dream too."

It is an impasse.  
Is there nothing that could be done except for wait a while for Sanae's mind to carefully calm down?  
Or, is there nothing to do except to use the powerful medicine of Kogasa to forcefully return her back to reality?  
It is difficult either way, and Eirin, whose primary job is not counseling, is limited in what she can do, and when she had Kogasa meet her, everything would just end up having the event itself written off as a dream.

"... Sanae"

Kogasa, clasping both of her hands like she was praying, closed her eyes, and murmured the name of the person important to her.  
Even though she had been etched with a deep wound, she is worrying about Sanae from the bottom of her heart.

"Do you want return to being her lover even now?"  
"I am not thinking about returning to being a lover.  
Because, Sanae is my lover right now, after all."  
"Heroic, aren't you?  
"Actually, I don't have an intention of doing anything special, but would it normally be different?"  
"Normally, if someone were stabbed by their lover for nothing, then they would no longer be fond of them."

.

.

...

.

.

I am considering what the red dot could possibly mean.  
The previous day, I said I was normal, but it appears that my condition is still not quite normal yet.  
It is dot that would disappear by getting close, which probably does not actually exist, and is probably just my hallucination.  
Red on white.  
The red color gives an impression of being blood.  
A white canvas besmeared with the red of blood.  
It may be a clue to the incident I had before coming here.  
Well, it would be normal to suppose that this suggests that someone stabbed my stomach and that the blood that came from there spread over some white clothing.  
And that I sealed that memory as a traumatic incident.  
Although I cannot remember it except that it is a trauma that is deeply etched in my mind, and as a red dot, is floating on the wall.  
Hmm, this does seem to be consistent.  
However, that doesn't solve anything.  
What I want to know is the important memory itself, and don't really care about the origin of that red dot.

"... Hah"

The flickering red dot that cuts into my field of vision was an eyesore.  
It was similar to how annoying a mosquito was that resounded a buzzing sound close to the ear.  
No matter how many times you shake it off, it would always come close to the ear again.  
This is the same.  
It never appears in the middle of the field of vision, and comes flickering about on the sides.  
It may just be some kind of harassment against me.  
If my mind is making me see this, I would want to pinch and crush it to a pulp.

"I am coming in"

It was the doctor's voice; that's right, perhaps it might be good to ask what this dot is.  
No, let's wait; it would be troublesome if I made her think that my mind was acting strange.  
For today, let's wait and see; yes, that would be fine.

"Alright"  
"Then, excuse me for intruding"

It is not that it was an intrusion, since even if it was just ordinary counseling, the time I spent talking with the doctor was like an oasis in my mind.  
How could just talking to someone give you the mood of salvation; as for that, I also have no clue.

"So now, there's a little something I want to ask of you"  
"What is it?"  
"It's concerning your sense of values.  
Although, it is a somewhat abstract topic, but will you follow me?"  
"I don't quite understand, but it is fine"  
"Yes, it is not a difficult question, so you don't have to keep yourself on guard; it would be good if you could answer it while relaxed"

As I thought, even while saying that, whatever questions the doctor puts forth somehow would always be taken heavily and seriously.  
With a tense mind, I await the doctor's question.

"What are the times in your life when you feel a sense of living in reality?"

Even as I am supposed to answer it relaxed, I get the feeling that the question was heavy and serious.  
Of course, just as the doctor warned, it was an abstract topic.  
The times in my life when I like I am living in reality... even while thinking about it, it is not something for which an answer would float to my mind instantly.

"The times when you feel that it is not a dream, and that you are certainly living in reality."  
"When it is not, a dream... yes, that's right.  
When I am seeing dreams and such, it always just stops right before seeing some kind of irreversible event.  
For example, when seeing a dream of falling off the cliff, perhaps it could be said to be an omen or something, but you never see dreams of falling from a cliff that continue until the instant you hit the ground, right?  
So, if it doesn't stop just right before, and instead continues to the very end, then it would be reality, I think."  
"I see, so that is when you feel that it is not a dream, right?  
But isn't that not enough; is there any time when you certainly feel that things are real and not a dream?"  
"Wouldn't it be like times when I feel pain?  
Like, doesn't it sometimes happen that you might be hugging a stuffed toy in a dream, while it just turns out that you were actually just hugging the pillow when you wake up?  
I think that on some level, the dream and what condition you are in while sleeping are connected.  
So, when you touch something, to say that it is not a dream since there is a feeling of touch is a somewhat weak reason, right?  
If you touch something that is soft, for example even if it is a person's skin in a dream, it might just be that in reality, you are squeezing a pillow.  
But, pain is different.  
For pain, humans would naturally wake up from the dream, wouldn't they?  
So, by just feeling pain you would know that it is a dream, right?"  
"Yes, pain... hmm?  
Is there nothing else?"  
"Well, to speak of something else..."

The question and the answers were both vague in the first place, and although it is a question that is somewhat absurd, there aren't a whole lot of answers that could be given.  
Even though I have already answered "pain," it seems that the doctor somehow still isn't satisfied.  
It may be that in the doctor's mind, there is only one correct answer.  
Is this yet another quiz disguised as an inquiry?  
But I am not really able to find an answer.  
... No, it's not that I cannot find an answer, but it's that the answer that that came to mind can't possibly be right.

"... Yes"  
"It's okay to say whatever comes to your mind; anything would help"  
"Ye-, yes... I suppose"  
"Although you thought of something, your face is saying that it's difficult to say, right?"

How did this doctor notice?  
Although I tried not to show it on my face, as expected I am no match for an adult who has had plenty of life experience.  
Even then, it is not something that I could speak of easily.  
It is not that it is something criminal or anything... yes, it's that it's very embarrassing to talk about.

"Please, it's alright whatever it is; I won't disclose it"  
"... If you say so, well, I guess there is no helping it.  
It's that... how to say it, a human instinct, see, something related to being born, for producing children, right?"  
"Right, that would be the final goal, right?"  
"So, how to say it, but I really don't know to say it well.  
Alright, I'll try, I'll try saying it.  
It's while... masturbating"

I said it.  
I truly said it.  
That is definitely reality; talking about living things being born or an instinct is merely an excuse.  
After all, it feels good.  
It wouldn't be possible to feel that great during a dream, since one would surely wake up, and surely know that it is reality.  
Whether it is pain or pleasure.  
In the end, I think that the boundary that separates reality and dreams are those two.  
So, say something rational and suppress my embarrassment.  
But that was impossible.  
Since it was impossible, well, even though she is the doctor, she is still a complete stranger.  
When something interests a complete stranger, is it necessary to give this kind of confession?  
Ah, I already know that my face is completely red, even though it would have made it easier if the doctor just laughed a little.

"Yes, I see, pleasure, isn't it?"

It is something that she is somehow diligently thinking about, making it even more embarrassing.

"By the way, about how many times do you do it in a week?"  
"... Huh?"  
"The number of times, I mean"

Since she asked this specifically, is this question also necessary?  
Should I answer?  
Well, there is nothing to do but answer.  
It can't be helped; let's answer.  
When I talked about it with friends about how many times it was done a week, after receiving a light shock, it became something of a complex I had.  
It became a habit, so there was no stopping it.  
Giving myself such excuses such as the fact that it was a human instinct, I continued doing it.  
Yes, it was a daily routine.

"Every day..."  
"Oh, that's a lot, hmm."

The doctor's blank response stabbed deeply into my heart.  
It relentlessly gouged at my complex.  
As I thought, this isn't counseling at all.  
When it comes to counseling, I had an image of a gentler doctor who would give a gentler conversation, but this doctor just asks questions, and I didn't feel any gentleness at all.  
Ah, but she said so from the beginning, right?  
That this is not a mental hospital, but an ordinary hospital.  
If that's so, then this doctor is probably not a counselor at all.  
... So, while thinking such thoughts, I stared motionlessly at the doctor's face.  
Perhaps due a lack of judgment, it seemed as if the edges of the doctor's lips rose up slightly.  
No way, right?

"Doctor, could I ask something?"  
"What is it?"  
"That last question about the number of times, was it really necessary?"  
"No, not particularly. I was just interested."

To me, this doctor... unpleasant.

.

.

...

.

.

"Would it be okay for you to stab Sanae?"  
"... You're, you're joking, right?"  
"It's a joke."

Eirin just suddenly greeted Kogasa with an extraordinary black joke.  
Even so, although it was half joking, the other was serious.  
When she talked with Sanae earlier, she gave conditions for the world not to be a dream.  
First, it will not stop just right before an irreversible event, a world where something fatal can happen.  
Perhaps this is related to how Sanae stabbed Kogasa.  
Since in a dream world, it would definitely stop right before stabbing Kogasa and she would wake up.  
Next, that there is pain.  
Perhaps this is related to how Sanae stabbed herself.  
If it were a dream, then there would definitely be no pain, and it would surely stop right before the stabbing.  
Lastly, that there is pleasure.

"I have found a solution."  
"Really!"  
"But, this would require your help."  
"I intended to help from the start."  
"Will you help, whatever it is?"  
"If it isn't something like stabbing Sanae or giving Sanae pain, then I will help"  
"Didn't I say earlier, that it was a joke?  
Relax, it is the opposite. It's to make her feel good."  
"... Massage?"  
"That's not it, but you're not far off."

Perhaps the massage was previously written with two characters of kanji in the past.  
Just by looking at how Kogasa and Sanae's were, it appears that they have yet to have sexual relations.  
In other words, if they have already had sexual relations, perhaps Sanae might not have stabbed Kogasa.  
So, it would be somewhat harsh to request that from these inexperienced two.  
Whatever the case for Sanae, Kogasa's is quite young in appearance, and it's hard to say that she is mature on the inside.  
In the first place, their relationship should progress more carefully without rushing things.  
However, just for this time, she will not give that recommendation.  
In addition to the fact that she doesn't know how Sanae's mind will heal even when the wound heals after a prolonged period, Eirin was already at the limit of her workload.  
Today, actually, Eirin was not in high spirits.  
Saying an unfunny joke just as she met Kogasa, and poking fun at Sanae.  
It's all because of a ridiculous proposal by Kaguya that Eirin's workload increased a lot.  
... Well, that doesn't really matter for now.  
In any case, Eirin was extraordinarily busy right now.  
Of course, it's not that she would neglect Kogasa and her patient Sanae, but if there is a way to heal Sanae's mind, then she really would want them to be able to leave even if it were just one second earlier.

"... Hmm"  
"Are you alright, doctor?"  
"I'm alright, and more than that, you should worry more about yourselves.  
Can you lie with Sanae?"  
"A hug?"  
"I mean sex."

Without using an indirect approach, she proclaimed it quite directly.  
When she heard that word, after looking blankly for a second, Kogasa understood it in her head, and her face suddenly became all red.  
Eirin was slightly relieved; if Kogasa did not know what sex was, then Eirin could only begin to wonder what to do.  
It's good that she knew, so let's try it today.

"Wh-, wait doctor, why would Sanae and I do―"  
"Do you love her?"  
"But, aren't there things like mental preparedness and steps―"  
"Please calm down, please speak articulately.  
It's not that I just said it lightly, since I have a proper reason.  
I heard from Sanae earlier about the times when she truly feels like she is living in reality.  
It was a somewhat silly question, so I might not have known what to do if she gave silly answers, but she answered it quite earnestly.  
It's when she feels pain and when she feels pleasure"  
"... Pain and, pleasure?"  
"If you were to stab Sanae with a knife to an extent where she still wouldn't die, perhaps that would also resolve things.  
At least, Sanae would surely return to reality in an instant.  
Ah, but there is also the possibility that her sense of reality would become even worse"  
"But, when Sanae sees me, she become confused and panicked..."  
"Then should be fine to make her unable to move"  
"Didn't you doctor say that you will not use sedatives?"  
"Then shouldn't it be fine to restrain her physically?"  
"R-, restrain, how..."

As a first experience, it seems like something that would be quite stimulating.  
Although Kogasa is still searching for another method as a way out of this, she did not deny the effectiveness method itself.  
Since the words pain and pleasure came from Sanae's mouth, she herself acknowledged it, so it can't be denied that there is at least going to be a certain effect.  
It would also be fine if Eirin did it instead, but the effect would be clearer to use Kogasa as a special medicine.

"Is there no way except… that?"  
"There might be another way if I searched for it, but at least for now, that's the only way.  
What will you do? It is also fine if you pass, since I am not forcing you"  
"... I understand; I'll do it.  
So, perhaps through that, Sanae might be able to come back to normal.  
To me, it's that which is most important.  
I wish to smile with Sanae again, hold hands, embrace, and kiss.  
So, even if this failed, it would at least be good to find an alternate"

It was really like Kogasa, a forward-looking way of thinking.

"I understand. So I will also do the preparations on my part"

The implementation shall be after sunset.  
Eirin shall do something to restrain Sanae first, and everything afterwards shall be left to Kogasa.

.

.

Waiting for the sunset, Kogasa felt uneasy.  
To actually have a first time in a place like a hospital, she did expect this in the slightest.  
Even more so, for Sanae's freedom to be taken away, and for it to be necessary to do it one-sidedly.  
Can I it effectively?  
If I can't make Sanae feel good, then Sanae might not be able to come back to normal.  
What should I do to be able to make Sanae feel good?  
Around and around, pink delusions and grey sadness swirled around Kogasa's head.  
If it were to be noticed, night was approaching real soon.

.

.

"Are you alright? Although it seems like you somewhat tired"  
"I-, I'm alright; I am just a little nervous is all"

In the end, there was not a single method that floated to her mind.  
Kogasa would need to lay with Sanae without rehearsal.

"Don't be nervous, as it would worrisome if it failed, since I am going to help in various matters"  
"Help...?"  
"It's not that I am participating, but that I am able to offer tools and drugs.  
I gave sedatives to Sanae just a little earlier, so she is sleeping soundly now.  
I also took the chance to give her some aphrodisiacs, so her whole body has surely become erogenous by now.  
Though calm at first, by being touched the appropriate way, she would feel so good that her head would become all strange.  
Ah, just to be sure, would you also drink some as well? I think that it increases sensitivity and calms down tension"

Although it couldn't be for sure if Eirin was taking it into consideration, the stimulation is too strong for Kogasa who is in any case having a first experience.  
In the first place, Kogasa did not even know what an aphrodisiac was.  
What Kogasa has learned about sex was only from indecent talks whispered around town and from books in Sanae's , as for what kind of drug an aphrodisiac was, she did understand what it was one way or another.  
It has an effect somewhat like a narcotic, but since it was something given by the doctor, Kogasa judged that it probably doesn't have any addictiveness or danger to it.

"Okay... for now, I'll take it"  
"Yes, by all means.  
It is enough to just take one.  
If you take two or three, there is a slight chance that your head will become all strange and won't be able to return back to normal, so be careful"  
"Ah, yes, understood"  
"And also, I also gathered some tools from here that seem to be usable, so use them as you like"

And while saying that, Eirin gave Kogasa a somewhat large pouch.  
She heard the sound hard objects colliding with each other and making clattering noises.  
She said that they seem to be usable, but what in the world would they be used for.  
Kogasa timidly opened and looked into the pouch.  
Inside, there was something that was in some kind of cylinder shape, and a bottle with some kind of sticky liquid inside.

"What is… this?"  
"It is an electronically moving stretching kokeshi doll, and for lotion, it is also here.  
I thought I would gather up the full selection, but I didn't put in the more maniac things.  
Although if you request it, perhaps one of the rabbits or someone who has it would be able to lend it..."  
"No, not needed"  
"Oh, really?  
I guess that, as it is the first time, it would be abnormal play.  
So then, with just this pouch..."  
"Yeah, this whole pouch is unneeded"

Eirin, a little disappointed,

"... although it does feel somewhat good"

And while saying that, put away the bag somewhere inside.  
In the end, Kogasa only took one grain of the aphrodisiac, and afterwards was empty-handed.  
In front of Sanae's room, there was an iron door blocking the way.  
On the other side of this massive door, Sanae was there.  
With hands and feet firmly restrained, it also appears that she was undressed.  
In other words, when the door opens, Sanae will be there already naked.

"Su―... Haa"

A large, deep breath.

"Is it fine?"  
"Yes―"

Eirin slowly opened the door to the white hospital room―

.

.

...

.

.

"Sa...nae...?"

Other than the sensation of having the skin cut, she had a feeling that it resembled the feeling of being cut on a pork block.  
With a "bu-chu" sound, the knife pierced into Kogasa's stomach without mercy.  
With blood flowing in a stream, the apron that should have matched mine was stained red.

"Uh... it... hurts..."

While looking at me with a steady glance, Kogasa's body descended.  
Without even the strength to go against gravity, while holding onto my body, she collapsed onto the ground.  
Halfway, I removed the knife.  
Cha-

"Ah... ha, ha... hur... ts..."

With some strange sweat coming from her forehead, Kogasa was suffering.  
Like a butterfly with wings plucked, her body was distorted with pain.  
Even so, as I would expect, she was cute.  
As the one I loved, she was still as lovely as always.  
But, why would it not end?  
The world is still bright.  
If my theory was correct, the dream should have ended now.  
Is it not enough?  
What is not enough?  
In order to wake up from a dream, is what is necessary... something more fatal, painful?  
Ah, I see.

"... Suu"

Why is it that my hand is shaking?  
It was only to end the dream.  
Isn't this no different from how the clock sounds when it rings when I wake up.  
Isn't this no different from being shaken awake by my parents?  
So, this should definitely be easy to do.

"...―!"

The knife stabbed through my stomach.  
The blood from Kogasa that stuck to the knife and my own flesh mixed, and it seemed somehow that Kogasa and I have become one.  
At the end, it was good to be able to see such a great dream as this.  
Heat began to pour in from where the knife stabbed.  
Hot, hot, hot―  
But, it didn't hurt.  
So as I thought, this probably was a dream.  
While dragging in my barely moving legs, I straddled above Kogasa.  
With a hand smeared with blood, I caressed Kogasa's face.  
Like drawing a picture on white canvas, Kogasa's delicate skin was being dirtied with blood.  
Kogasa was only murmuring "why, why."  
I got the feeling that the voice somehow became smaller, and that perhaps she was losing consciousness.  
It was the same for me.  
At last, I became sleepy.

"...Kogasa"

It was the final dream.  
Finally, the dream ends, and in the very end, I should feel happy that I am looking at her face while sinking lower.  
Kogasa was crying.  
Ah, although it would have been good if I could have seen her smile at the very end.  
Well, perhaps that's an extravagance.  
Haha… hahaha.

... a dream, was it?  
Hot, yes, my stomach felt hot.  
So, perhaps someone in the real world was applying heat to my perhaps in the real world, I was being stabbed by someone.  
It's fine either way.  
Clinging to my feet, I looked at the people praying to me, and I certainly felt a sense of superiority and disgust.  
At the same time, those people were certainly scary.  
It wasn't a human-like emotion like friendship or love, but a feeling beyond that, the feeling of worship.  
Since it was strange, it was scary.  
When I looked at Kogasa who gave me a smile with her whole face while clinging to my arms, I certainly felt the greatest happiness in my life until now.  
So at that time, it was definitely scary, that love.  
It was scary to think of losing it, and it was scary that was just too happy.  
Because in the world that I lived, there wasn't anything like this.  
If I think about it, even when I was taken to the Land of Illusion, it happened just in the blink of time.  
Just like as if I were watching a dream, if I would notice, the scenery around me changed, and then I came to the Land of Illusion.  
I also certainly thought so from the start: that it was like a dream.  
Yes, a dream.  
All of the puzzles were imprinted in my mind in a mistaken manner.  
Rather than calling this world reality, I had always felt that it was always called a dream.  
The Land of Illusion.  
This is an illusion.  
A never-ending dream.A dream that seems like reality, a dream where you don't know if it is a dream or reality.  
Ah-, if this world is a dream, then this happiness is scary in that I don't know when it'll end.  
Ah-, if this world is reality, then this feeling of unreality when I am worshipped as a god is dreadfully scary.  
Both possibilities are unstable, mismatched, inconsistent, but correct.

Certainly there was nothing that would suggest that this is a dream, and certainly there was nothing that would suggest that it was reality.  
The dreadfulness of reality and dreams ate into me at the same time.  
I wanted to make sure if it was one or the other, by stabbing.  
I wanted to be at peace of mind that it was surely a dream, or I wanted to be at peace of mind that it was surely reality.  
But, neither was granted.  
As expected, I am left not knowing anything.  
Even now and here, is there a single thing that would prove that it was reality?―

.

.

.

.

"Hyahh-!"

I woke up to the feeling of being licked by something on my neck.  
I don't know what it is, but as if it's mistaking me for candy, it continues bent on licking , lick.  
This time, my body leaps in an interesting way, and my vocal cords make an unexpected sweet sound.

"Hii, hiu...nn, nnnaaa-!"

I try to somehow get away from whoever is licking me, but my hands do not move.  
Paralysis?  
No, each time I move, I hear a clanging noise of something hitting something.  
Wrapped around my wrist is something like a belt.  
No way; am I being bound?  
In the same manner, each time I move my feet, there is some clanging noise, and I feel some kind of rubbing sensation at my ankles.  
I feel that I have seen this in some movie or drama before: restraints to hold down a struggling patient.  
But, why is such a thing used on me?  
Or perhaps should I say, why have I become naked!  
Who, who would do this kind of thing―

"Hya, nn, mmn..."

Since it's the nape of my neck that's being licked, I am not even able to confirm the face.  
However, I can see the hair color.  
Light blue hair.  
No way.  
No way, no way, no way no way no way

"St-, sto...p, a-, nnaaaaann-"  
"Sanae, how cute... nnn chu"

It's a voice I heard before.  
No, I definitely do not know such a voice.  
I do not know of that voice.  
It is even stranger to remember a voice that replayed in my dream.  
So, I don't know, I don't know-!  
Why can't I move? I will break these restraints immediately―but that was impossible for me right now.  
So, I am an ordinary student, and was injured, so I was brought here.  
But if I don't break these, if I don't destroy these and flee immediately―  
How do I break these?  
So, how do I break these―!

"No, no, away... nnhaahh-, hahh-, uuuuhhh...-!"  
"Is it really that bad, to be touched by me?"  
"Who, who are you I don't know, it's only natural not to want to be touched by someone I don't know-!"  
"... Do you not even remember me anymore, not even my face?"

The girl with light blue hair whose face has had always been buried in my neck raises her face.  
That face is slowly coming into my field of vision.  
―.

"A... ah, no, noooooo―!"

No―, no, it's a lie, it's all a lie, and is this also a dream―?  
Damn―, why can't I move―!

"A dream, definitely a dream, please, please, don't come... don't come!"  
"Sanae, don't be so frightened"  
"I'm not frightened, I don't see anything; it's all a lie, a lie, a lie, a lie.  
Ha, haah, this, these kinds of things, they're not... they're not!"  
"Look this way, Sanae"  
"No, I don't wanna look, I don't wannaaa... uuh, uwaaaaaaaaaahh!"

If I don't escape, if I don't escape quickly.  
If I can't break these, then it's okay that I don't, but in any case if I don't escape.  
It's okay even if the body remains here, even if only my consciousness goes somewhere far, though it needs to be pretty far.  
As if my soul was restrained to this bed, however much I struggle, my consciousness is still clear.

"Why don't you want to see?"  
"Because, because... if I look, I won't be forgiven...  
Then it would all be true, and it would all be reality.  
So, so, why is that I, for what reason I―!  
Isn't it all my self-centeredness, all my fault; I won't acknowledge that―.  
So, it's surely a dream.  
For this kind of thing, I can't be forgiven.  
It's no good, that is, only that is..."  
"Then, what would be good for me to do?  
I am always waiting for Sanae, and as I like Sanae, I am always, always waiting for you"  
"That's a lie―! For things to be so convenient, can I really withstand that!  
If it were all real, Ko-, Kogasa woud have no reason to forgive me.  
Yes, I..., I would then have stabbed that girl for nothing at all, and there is no reason to be forgiven.  
Kogasa wouldn't forgive, and I wouldn't be forgiven.  
And I also wouldn't forgive! If that really happened, I definitely wouldn't forgive myself, I'll kill the one who injured Kogasa!"  
"But, wouldn't I then be left all alone?  
Even though we promised before, not to leave me all alone?"  
"If it actually happened, Kogasa certainly wouldn't forgive me.  
Kogasa would also surely just kill me while laughing.  
I would also kill me while laughing"  
"But, I don't blame Sanae.  
I forgive you."  
"That's, because you are not Kogasa!"  
"If I am not Kogasa, then why are you so frightened?  
Come on, look at my face properly."

Certainly, that was so.  
Yes, Kogasa is not of this world, so the one who is here is someone who has put on Kogasa's skin.  
So, I, little by little, little by little, turn my neck around.  
Clenching my teeth, the shape of the one in front of me settled in my vision.

"... Hahahahh―, a lie, surely a lie."

A lie.  
I tried to persuade myself that it was someone who resembled Kogasa, ahh―, but there is no way I could just accept that and be satisfied.  
This is Kogasa, because more than anyone else, there is no reason for me to mistake who it is that I see beside me.  
Kogasa, with her face gazing at me, comes closer.  
She approaches until she is right next to me, close enough that I am under her breath.

"A lie. It's a dream..."

The instant lips touched lips, I closed my eyes.  
It's a feeling that I have always felt before.  
Surely, it's just that I am pushing my lips on some pillow in the real world.  
If that's not it, then it wouldn't make sense.

"Mmm, mmmrrreru..."

Separating the upper and lower lips, a wet tongue comes in.  
How could this be explained for the real world?  
Is someone pranking me by inserting some konjac into my mouth?  
There's something impossible with that: how could someone insert something into my mouth while my mouth is attached to the pillow?  
So, how would I explain this?

"Mmhhchu, Nnhh―, mmhuu― hahuhh―, juuh... ju, chu..."  
"M―, mmmmmmmm―!  
Hah, huuuuu, huh―, mnu...―!"

A long tongue licks completely around me inside my mouth.  
Her tongue is awfully long, and she skillfully licks it up from the base of the tongue to the gums.  
It felt good as if it had all even become a sexual organ.  
Lips entwining with lips, tongue rubbing together with tongue, sucking from each other's mouths.

"Chupa, churu... mmm, a, mn uuu"  
"Juuh―, ju, chu, hu―... nn hu-... churu―"  
"Hah―... ha... Sanae, say 'ann'"  
"Mmna..."

As instructed by someone, I opened my mouth.  
The saliva that gathered in Kogasa'a mouth stretches out and pours into my mouth.  
The taste of Kogasa's, saliva.  
Somewhat sweet, and somewhat dirty.  
It was in a perverted manner.  
Although it's not that I am being touched, pleasure was running down my spinal column.

"How is it?"  
"... Delicious"  
"Then, I will offer more"

Again, Kogasa and I pressed our lips together.  
With our bodies also tightly pressed together, Kogasa's somewhat small chest presses down on my chest.  
It rubs against my dry bandage, making a dry rustling noise.

"Mn, nnjuu... churu, nn..., churu, chu"  
"Nn... naa, nm churu, juru, reruru, nnku..."

While the mucous membranes connected, I imbibe the highly viscous saliva attached to Kogasa's tongue.  
Kogasa, while amassing saliva in her mouth, also sometimes gives some to my mouth.  
I did not reject any, and while turning over the given saliva with the top of my tongue, I drank it.  
How many times I lightly did this, I don't remember.  
Although it was just a kiss, my lower body is also probably wet.  
My head seems to be going all strange by feeling so good.  
... Although, my head is already so strange. Hahah, perhaps by doing a complete round, perhaps I will return back to a normal state.

"Haah, haah..."  
"Mmm, nnku... churu..."

We separated our mouths from each other, and had a momentary rest.  
Just then, Kogasa gathered the saliva around her mouth with her finger, and held it in my mouth.  
Did I even become addicted?  
Kogasa's saliva, I want more...

"Even though you hated it, for Sanae..."  
"Because... surely it's a dream, right?"  
"It's nothing like a dream"

"The scar, can I see it?"  
"... Please show it"

My bound wrists and ankles hurt.  
The whole lot of kisses felt good.

"It's quite, nasty isn't it?"

Traces of a needle sewing the wounds are clearly left on my stomach.  
Perhaps this scar will not disappear in a lifetime.

"Of course, at that time, it was very painful.  
Oh right, I'll also show it to Sanae"

Kogasa is lightly unwrapping the bandage on my stomach.  
It seems fun.  
Honestly, I still do not believe it.  
Why is it that Kogasa is laughing like this?  
Making me see the wound on me, seeing the wound that I made, why is it that I cannot see a single bit of hatred?  
Ah, this dream feels less like reality than any other dream I have seen until now.

"Uwah, Sanae's is also quite amazing. Does it still hurt?"  
"It throbs sometimes, but it doesn't really hurt now"  
"I see… it's the same for me. We go together, don't we?"

Looking at the gruesome wound opening, Kogasa was saying "we go together, don't we," laughing.  
She appears to be dearly caressing my wound opening with her own.

"Why is it... that you don't blame me?"

It was a genuine question.  
If by some slight chance this was reality, no, even if it were a dream, even if it were my delusions, Kogasa would surely blame me for what happened.  
But she is not blaming me, and I'm not being blamed.

"To me, there was a whole lot that I received from Sanae.  
Things like a place to live, food, gentleness, fun, love.  
Things that I would have never received from anybody else, I received a whole lot of.  
So you know, even if I were killed by Sanae, I wouldn't mind―that's what I thought at that time.  
Before even thinking about the matter of forgiving or not forgiving, I have certainly received a whole lot that is more important than my life"  
"You wouldn't mind, even if you were killed...!  
That's, isn't that ridiculous―!"

I'm becoming insane.  
Never mind having an always-beloved partner, for her not to even mind being stabbed with a knife, and be killed.  
That's impossible.

"Hahah―, for Sanae to be surprised, that's my win hmm―?  
But hey, it's not a joke; I'm truly serious.  
I, before meeting Sanae, I wasn't even able to surprise people, and I was always just flying around on an empty stomach.  
There were times when I thought along the lines of 'what on earth did I come into this world for? There's no meaning to this is there?'  
But, since the time I met Sanae, everything changed.  
Perhaps it would be appropriate to say that the world was given color, as it suddenly become brilliantly beautiful.  
Ah: that I was born for the sake of meeting this person, that kind of thing that wouldn't be seen except in a romance novel, I truly thought that.  
Even now, that hasn't changed: that to be next to this person is the meaning of my being born.  
In fact, I more strongly think this now than before"  
"It's an overvaluation of me; I'm not that splendid of a human.  
It's just that, I was merely together with Kogasa.  
Since to be tied with you, I only gave food, a bed, and poured some affection"  
"The result doesn't change; whatever Sanae thinks, I feel an obligation that I would think that it would even be fine to bet my life on Sanae"  
"Then, this obligation should surely have already disappeared.  
I was about to take away Kogasa's life, so once there, the life should have already been bet on.  
Due to this, isn't there no more need to be with me?"  
"Hmm, I also, I also thought that perhaps it was like that, but"

While laughing "haha" from her true feelings without derision and not as a bitter laugh, she said,

"Of course, just like Sanae became has become all strange, I have also become all strange.  
By liking Sanae so much, my head would have surely burst already.  
Didn't I say it earlier, that our wounds go together?  
To be able to have a sign that we are connected, which will not disappear in a lifetime, I was truly happy about that from the bottom of my heart.  
Even I didn't believe it.  
I thought I would at least, just a little, be angered, and hate"

There's no way that could be.  
As I thought, that was way too convenient―to be happy from being stabbed? Since she was able to get matching scars with me?  
It's a dream, a lie; this kind of world, this kind of illusion, there is no good reason to be forgiven.

"Mmmnnh..."

Each time Kogasa traces the scar, my sensitized body responds in some way.  
Pleasure runs along my body.  
It's a signal to let me know that this is reality.  
If the sensations of my body are for certain, and if this place is definitely reality, then it is assuredly a reality with a touch of being virtual.

"Will Sanae, not forgive even now?"  
"I will not forgive"  
"Even though I forgive?"  
"I won't forgive"  
"Then what is it that needs to be done, for Sanae to forgive herself?"

It was a strange conversation; in order to ask for my forgiveness, she asks me for a way that could be done.  
Even though the victim was definitely Kogasa, she is, in some way, covering up for me, who was the perpetrator.

"In order to make up for my crime, I need to do whatever Kogasa asks of me.  
Even if it stakes my life on it"  
"That's very simple; it would be fine for Sanae to live with me just like before; just that is already more than enough"  
"No good; just that would not make me happy.  
I need retribution; in return for injuring Kogasa, I need something appropriately misfortunate.  
As someone who has injured someone, I wouldn't forgive myself just by carefree happy life"  
"So, Sanae will not allow herself to be happy.  
Then I won't be happy either; after all, my happiness comes from Sanae being happy"

In the same way, my happiness becomes Kogasa's happiness.  
Ah, what a fantastic mutual complementation.  
If one party becomes happy, then everyone becomes happy.  
But just this, this kind of relation which should have been great, somehow results in something twisted right now.  
If one party refuses happiness, then nobody is happy.

"If you want to make up for it, then be happy"  
"I won't forgive just by being happy"  
"... Mmmh, stubborn.  
Then, let's change the question; to Sanae, is Sanae or I more important?"

A question of "do I love myself more than Kogasa?"  
In other words, a yes or no choice of whether or not I shall pierce my own stubbornness and give in to Kogasa's demand.  
Even while speaking of changing the question, in the end, nothing has changed, has it?

"At that time, why did Sanae stab me?  
Although it was just on Sanae's part, I was more important to Sanae than herself, so was thinking that she stabbed the one who was more important first.  
If that was so, I'd definitely believe that Sanae would chose me.  
With me, let's be happy, alright?"

To say "yes" here is surely enough correct.  
Certainly, when stabbing Kogasa, I made this kind of judgment.  
Yes, more than me, Kogasa was the one who was more important.  
But after the stabbing, whatever the perpetrator says is nothing more than a mere excuse, right?  
I like Kogasa, which is why I stabbed Kogasa?  
Don't joke around.  
If the police were to investigate this, it would be silly enough to just kick the desk flying.

"I want you to answer honestly"  
"If I say 'yes, that's so,' will you believe?"  
"I will believe, from my heart"

It seems like not even a refuge has been prepared.  
Kogasa's smile without a single idle thought was a lethal weapon.  
Someone like me would definitely not be able to refuse.

"Kogasa is… more important"  
"Then, it should be alright not to lose your way anymore"  
"... Yeah"

I have not assented to it, but since I have already answered, I am not able to cover it up.  
However much I refuse Kogasa's proposal, in the end it would only be nothing more than for self-satisfaction.  
If I truly want to make up for it, then I should deal with whatever punishment the victim says.  
If it's "crush your eyes" then I would crush, if "cut your ears" then I would cut, if "slice your nose" then I would slice, if "pour forth love" then I would pour.  
The defendant does not have any right to refuse.

"Sanae, kiss"  
"I don't reject being attached such things as restraints, but I would be happy if you are able to take them off"  
"Actuality, I also intended to take it off if Sanae asks.  
See, this is the key I got from the doctor"  
"There is no need to worry, since I won't struggle anymore"  
"Yes, I understand.  
But you know, this kind of thing just became enjoyable also"  
"... Ha?"  
"This thing is called 'sadism' isn't it?  
To see how Sanae is unable to resist, somehow it makes my heart beat so much"

Kogasa's eyes held still; no good, some kind of switch has been completely flipped.  
If I think about it, I didn't think that Kogasa would proactively assail me this much, and wasn't my body really sensitive?  
Like feeling that much from just a kiss.  
Perhaps both I and Kogasa have been given something like an aphrodisiac.  
To be in this hospital room naked and restrained is thus due to Eirin's permission, and there was some possibility that some assistance was given in case things were done poorly.  
In fact, I wouldn't think that Kogasa would possess a tool that could restrain me, and it is in all probability due to Eirin's cooperation.  
I see; if it's Eirin's special aphrodisiac, then it would definitely be effective.

"Hah... how is it, does it feel good here, too?"  
"Ko-, kogasa... that kind of, place..."

Kogasa's tongue crawled along the wound opening, and without touching it directly, ran along its side.  
It was quite close to my stomach, and even without any wound, it was a sensitive place.  
Furthermore, with my excited body which was administered some aphrodisiac, it was not possible to suppress my voice.  
The abdominal muscles, while twitchingly contracting, convulsed.  
Due to that, each time I am licked by Kogasa, my breath became even more unsteady.

"Ha... uh, aah... nnh, hii-... fah..."  
"Sanae's taste..."

While Kogasa focused on licking around the wound, my stomach became stickier and stickier.  
Not minding such a thing, even if I were to entreaty, "stop," Kogasa wouldn't.  
Since my hands and feet are fastened, even if I regained my strength, I wouldn't be able to do anything.

"Uuh, hyah... Ko… gasa..."  
"What is it, Sanae?"  
"Ha... ha... you didn't... kiss yet, right?"  
"Ah, I forgot.  
Huhu, just wait a little; I'll be there soon."

Even while implicitly saying to stop, Kogasa showed no sign of stopping, persistently licking there.  
Even while saying that she'll be there soon, Kogasa again drew close to the wound opening with her lips.  
She stuck out her tongue there, performed one lick, and just like that, moved her face upwards.

"Hii... mmnaa, hah, haauuu!"

Passing the navel towards the chest,

"Nn chu, Sanae is also cute here eh?  
Chu, churu―"  
"Sh, shta... ni, nipple hh... aa-..."

Passing the chest towards the neck,

"I am jealous... lick, Sanae is certainly beautiful even here"  
"Th, there―, no good... aan, a-, nmaa―!"

Then finally, arriving at the lips.  
Certainly the entire body has become erogenous.  
Even though it feels good just by touch, by being licked like I was previously, my field of vision flickers from pleasure.  
My head has lost its ability to make normal judgments.

"Sanae's lips... I… really like it"  
"Ha... ha... haah.  
I also… like Kogasa's kiss"  
"From now on, shall we kiss every day like we have until now?"  
"Eh, of course"

There was no reason to refuse.  
If Kogasa wishes so, then I shall only do so.  
At the same time, it was also my wish.  
These are the lips that I have pressed with several times, but I did not think once that I would get tired of it.  
And also from here on, just like until now.  
The good morning kiss, the "I'll be going" kiss, the kiss just because, the "I really like you" kiss, the good night kiss, I want the touch countless times.  
Since certainly, I will never get tired of it for eternity.

"Chu―, mm, chu, ... I like you, a lot..."  
"Nn, hu... chu, puchu... I also, love you... Kogasa"  
"Chu, nn, reru... juru, hahuu... nm―... nnchu"  
"Humu, nn, nmm... uu, nn...-, nn, hu, reru, nmm..."

A complete change from previously, from a gentle kiss of touching each other, gently the tongues have become connected.  
Slowly, like as if to confirm each other's touch, tongue frantically caresses with tongue.  
Definitely, Kogasa is above even now, so I drink the saliva flowing in one direction.  
Each time I drink, my body becomes became hotter, and the nerves in my body are becoming oversensitive.  
It is not just the mouth, but also the pressed chests, the exposed wound opening, and sometimes also the nose, forehead, and everything feels good.

"Hah... hah..."

Kogasa separating her mouth, and after touching the tip of the nose once, then goes to turn in the opposite direction towards my lower body.  
Automatically, towards my face, Kogasa's lower body becomes closer.  
I had anyhow intended to have this kind of relation, but I didn't think that that day would come so quickly, and I wasn't able to be mentally prepared.  
Although we did go to the bath together sometimes, it isn't that we stared at the important parts.

"Huhu, Sanae here… is wet already"  
"..., It's because Kogasa's kiss… felt good..."  
"Eheheh, it also felt good to me.  
Here, look"  
"Ko-, Kogasa..."

Kogasa raises her thighs, and made me see that place, which was dripping wet.

"Hah... so, how is it?"  
"We―, it's wet..."

Really, for Kogasa to actually do such a thing.  
The aphrodisiac has probably driven Kogasa's thoughts out of order.  
That is surely so.  
It is the same for me, so I would know of that.  
Looking at the female part stuck out in front of me, it is abnormally aroused.  
I wanna make it feel better.  
I wanna feel better.

"Ko-, Kogasa... please come closer"  
"... Like this?"  
"More, more"

Kogasa's smallish bottom, little by little came closer to me.  
Completely white, it was like a baby's bottom.  
Just by seeing that, it doesn't seem to have hair growing, and it wouldn't be strange to say that it was a small child.  
To that Kogasa's important place, I...

"Hyaa!  
Sa, sanae, what―"  
"Kogasa here, seems delicious"

I, who cannot use my hands or feet, am only able to raise my neck and gently lick Kogasa's folds.  
Kogasa's love fluids are, a little salty.

"Nn, ah, hiu, nnaaaa―, Sana… e―...  
Hyau, hi, hinn―"  
"Nmchu, mnn... rero..."

Kogasa's secret place is becoming dripping wet to the extent that I could lick it.  
The tongue that only slightly caressed the surface, just a little, presses deeper.  
Thrusting in like a deep kiss, the little remaining stegma reduces and was dirty from the start, so that couldn't be helped, and by thinking that it was Kogasa, it strengthened my arousal.

"Ah―, ah, uwaa.  
Hya, hyann, nn aaaa, aaaaa―!"

Kogasa shakes herself there, and her body is twitchingly convulsing.  
It seems that she has reached the peak.  
With a drip, love fluid is flowing from those young folds.  
I lick one of those drops.

"Hyu... ha, haa... nn, aa..."  
"Did it feel good?"  
"Am, amazing...  
Ha... but, how terrible, to go first..."  
"Then, wouldn't Kogasa have done the same thing?"  
"N-, no I would use my fingers... since I wouldn't actually have thought of licking"  
"It's since my fingers and feet are all bound"  
"Uuuh... this time, since it will definitely be my turn"  
"Yes, as you please.  
As much you want, please lick"

I am not able to resist at any rate, and I obediently entrust my body to Kogasa.  
However, then, Kogasa did attempt to move at all.  
Since what I see was her cute bottom, I do not know what the heck she was considering.  
Well, since there aren't many chances to deliberate appreciate this bottom, I shall be satisfied for now.  
When I think about when I have seen this kind of bottom before, it was in a commercial for baby diapers.  
Exactly, egg-colored skin.  
To think, just until a while ago, that I was burying my face into this bottom, and to have been licking this child-like female sex―exactly what kind of perversion have I fallen into?  
But on the other hand, to be able to monopolies this cute bottom, I feel some sense of superiority.  
While thinking such trivial things, the movement of Kogasa's bottom, which shook a little, stopped brilliantly.  
It seems like her thinking has been completed.

"Sanae, please beg"  
"What is it?"  
"What would you like to be done where: request it from me"

While looking over her shoulder to me, Kogasa had an unnatural smile.  
The muscles of her face twitched, and only one side was lifted up.  
Perhaps she is even imitating a fish that has been pulled up.

"So, say it!"  
"Eh, but there isn't particularly anything"  
"... Eh?"  
"Since I heard Kogasa's cute voice earlier, I am already satisfied"  
"Th, that's not fair!  
Since Sanae was mean to me, it'll be unfair if I can't be mean to Sanae!"  
"I don't know, that kind of thing"  
"Uuuh... so please, beg..."

Kogasa begs me to beg.  
Even though I am the one being restrained, Kogasa, who still doesn't take the dominant position, is unbearably cute.  
Although she did say sadism, it appears that Kogasa doesn't have that quality.

"Please, lick"  
"Say it more clearly"  
"Please lick my... over there..."  
"Where is over there?  
If you don't say it more clearly, I won't know"  
"...Kuh"

Now I did try saying it, but it embarrassing enough.  
Kogasa who is making me saying it, seems to be enjoying this, but it is somehow a little vexing.  
Even so, my body that was worked up by kisses still wants something from Kogasa.  
In order to get that something, there is probably nothing to do but to beg from Kogasa.

"C-, cu..."  
"Cu?"  
"My... cuunt, please lick it"

I really said it, and she really heard it.  
No good; it's so embarrassing that I want to writhe, and if there is a hole then I would want to go in it, but for me right now there is no freedom that could be recognized.  
Anticipating this kind of situation, perhaps Eirin set it up so that this would happy.  
No way, there is no possible way for Eirin to imitate having some kind of knowledge of the future.

"... Kogasa?  
I begged properly, so please"

My body has been worked up by kisses, and in front of me, and I have also been aroused by seeing Kogasa's bottom and hidden place that has constantly been shown to me.  
Just like this, it makes me so impatient, that it keeps me in great agony.

"... Haaah, sorry sorry―!

I didn't think Sanae would actually say something as indecent as that, so I was quite surprised"  
Since this is what she told me to say, what is this girl saying?

"Sorry to keep you waiting.  
So, I will lick, Sanae here"  
"... Please"

I can see the face being buried in between my legs.  
However, as for exactly with what timing the she began to lick, or where she began to lick, I did not see that at all.  
But, I was only able to see Kogasa's nether lip that was perhaps somewhat more wet than before.

"It has some kind of, frisky smell"  
"Ah, please don't sniff it―"  
"Mmn, it's not that I dislike it; I like it, this smell from Sanae"

Kogasa's breath touched me there.  
Somehow it seems that she is truly sniffing that smell.  
No good; if such a thing is done to me, I won't be able to get married...

"Sanae here, is moving twitchingly.  
Why?"  
"It's because Kogasa is teasing me.  
Don't sniff it and please just do it"  
"Huhu, Sanae is impatient, aren't you?  
It can't be helped, if you say it that much, then I will lick for you.  
Chu, reru..."  
"Hah... nnn hiiuu...!"

As I thought, Kogasa's tongue was long.  
With a lick, it licks a wide range around the larger nether lip.

"Mmnh, nnn aaaa!"

In one instant, my head became all white, and reached a light peak.  
In addition to that excessive pleasure, my thigh also interposed itself on Kogasa's head.

"Hah, uwah... Kogasa, not yet... wa, sto, nnnhhuuuuhh"

Even then without being mindful to that, Kogasa continued licking my secret place.  
At first, it was licking the entire thing, and the tongue sometimes contacted my clittorus, and each time that happened, my body suddenly leapt up.  
Kogasa didn't merely lick, but looked for the parts that I particularly reacted to, and depending on that reaction, focused on attacking only those parts.

"Hah, haaaah, there, feels so good, no good...!"  
"Pecha... chu... churu, juru... nn, nnnhu..."  
"Th, to suck there... nnnhyaa, hiiu, fwaa!"

I was not satisfied with just licking; Kogasa is sucking on the clittorus.  
Making a noise like sucking on candy, she focuses on continuing to suck on the place that makes me feel good.

"Ha-, haa-, cli, the clittorus is nlot... uwaaa, aaaann!  
Uwi, kah, no... th, don't suck there!  
Kogasa―, Kogasaa, no good, no good, I'm coming, I'm cominnnng-!"

I arched my back to the limit, and my hidden part is pressed on Kogasa's face who is desperately sucking.  
I have no more embarrassment.  
I just want to feel better; I just want to be guided to the peak earlier.

"Mmmnnaaaaaaaaaaaah―!"

Raising a loud moaning voice that resembled a shout, I came magnificently.  
This is something that certainly can't be achieved by self-pleasuring, an ultimate pleasure.  
To feel this great, there is no way that this could be a dream.

"Hii―, hiiuu... mmnaa... ha―, hah... haa..."

The climax does not stop at all.  
With my back still bent, I stick out my tongue, and bathe in the lingering pleasure.

"Hah, aah, uuh... mnn, mm, cuuh..."  
"Huuu... because of Sanae, my face has become all sticky."

While I was still arching my back bearing the pleasure, Kogasa finally takes out her face from my crautch, and show me her smiling face sticky with love juices.  
Even in this state, her smiling face does not change.

"Hah... mm, hah... huuh..."  
"Sanae, you made a really pleasured voice, didn't you?"  
"Am-, amazingly... great wasn't it, so it couldn't be helped, right..."  
"I am happy, that Sanae was able to receive pleasure from my tongue"

Kogasa boasted of the length of her own tongue.  
Although it could be said to be a point of charm, tongues aren't usually things to be shown, but even without the tongue, Kogasa was cute, so I didn't care so much about that.  
Certainly, while like this, the length of Kogasa's tongue was a weapon.  
I also felt it while kissing, but the movements of her tongue are not comparable with mine.  
Perhaps she might even be able to attach her tongue to a cherry shoot. (See Note 1)

"Mnnh... ah, yes.  
Would it be good to take them off any time now?"  
"Ah, sorry, did it hurt?"  
"Ehh, it hurt"

With the key, the restraints were removed, and my body finally regains its freedom.  
The wrists and ankles that were restrained are completely red with marks on them.

"Uwaa, it is more terrble than I thought"  
"Since it is only a mark, it'll get better over time.  
More than that, can't we hug just a little?"  
"Ah... yes.  
Did you perhaps want to do that before?"  
"Eh, if possible, it would be good if I could hug Kogasa at the beginning, but the reason I wasn't able to is due to me."  
"But, more than restraining or being restrained, perhaps I like it better to hug each other.  
That is also fine, but as expected, it's better to hug at the beginning; Sanae's chest is also quite soft"

A happiness of being able to feel direct warmth.  
It was warm.  
There is definitely a feeling of touch.  
Therefore, this is surely reality.  
Perhaps I… thought too hard about everything.  
Since this is happiness, it would have been good to continue to receive this happiness until its end.

"... Sanae, okaeri"  
"Kogasa..."

I have probably gone far off.  
I have made Kogasa feel lonely.

"Sorry, Kogasa"  
"N―... that's not it, Sanae.

Didn't Kanako teach you? What should you say in response to okaeri?"  
"Ah, that's right"

In response to okaeri, no one would ever normally reply "sorry."  
I have returned to be beside Kogasa, and it was only an apology for satisfying myself, which Kogasa didn't wish for.  
What I should say is―only one word.

"Tadaima, Kogasa"

.

.

.

.

When we left the hospital, it was a few days later.

"Although for the moment, you will receive some commuting from the hospital, for now, congratulations on leaving the hospital"  
"Thank you"  
"Thanks, doctor"  
"My compensation has already been received by your guardians, so don't worry.  
Also, if you want aphrodisiacs again, I will offer some, although they're not free of charge... well, I will offer a little discount"  
"I'll kindly refuse it; I already had enough of that drug"  
"Haahah, certainly it felt good, but it had a little too much of an effect, right?"

In the end, that day when we pressed each other's bodies, we made loveuntil we ran out of stamina and collapsed.  
Because however many times we hugged and were hugged, whatever we did, we couldn't be satisfied.  
When I thought that the heat in my body would finally cool down, it then heated up again.  
However I consider it, it was due to the aphrodisiac that Eirin gave.  
Certainly, it felt good, but the next day, I was unable to move due to muscular pains, and if we got used to that kind of pleasure, then we might not be able to make love normally again.  
Although we began with something a little abnormal, we want to be two who love each other just normally.

"But for the rabbits, it was just right for them... oh right, certainly rabbits have strong sexual desire, and to use it like that on a human might just be too strong of a stimulation.  
This time, I will adjust it for human use, so please don't hold back"  
"...Ah, okay"

Although I refused it once, Eirin-san is now insistently pushing the aphrodisiac.  
Kogasa also said that this person looks like a composed intellectual, but she is actually probably coercive and ill-tempered.  
It seems that even though she understood that aphrodisiac's effect, she prescribed it to us.  
Although it wasn't a long encounter, in these few weeks, I get the feeling that I caught a glimpse of this person's true nature.

"At the shrine, those two have been waiting quite some time; please return quickly"  
"Yes, so then..."  
"See you again"

Kogasa and I, still holding our hands, flew from the bamboo forest into the blue sky.  
Since I have constantly been shut in that white room recently, even with this blue sky, I feel a sense of nostalgia.

"Haah... the air is delicious"  
"It has been a while since you have breathed in the air outside, right?"  
"Yes, since when was the air this delicious?"

Su― Ha―  
Just by doing that, it is as if I am expelling out the gloomy things in my chest.  
To be able to return to the Moriya Shrine is something I should be glad about, but there is a reason why I can't just honestly be glad.  
At that time, what were Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama thinking?  
As one who didn't decently carrying out the duties of a shrine maiden at all, but instead injured the important person next to me, shouldn't I be disdained?  
Kogasa has forgiven me.  
But that is an exception among exceptions― it might even be appropriate to call it a miracle.  
Miracles… do not occur twice.  
I don't think I am able to artificially make my power take an effect, or perhaps should I say, I don't think I am able to operate my power like a god.

"It's alright, Sanae"

Perhaps from reading the uneasiness in my expression, she tightly clasped my hand, and encouraged me.  
But just by doing that, she truly summoned some courage, so I was surprised.  
It was a real feeling of Kogasa's existence becoming greater.  
Ah, if Kogasa is able to be by my side, then it will surely be alright.  
From afar, I was able to see the Moriya Shrine.  
If I look closely, I am able to see two figures from the residential side of the entrance.  
They are waiting for us.

"I feel that it has been a long time since I have seen those two's faces"  
"Without going outside even one step, of course that would be the case"

Just from not having met for some time, it seems like I have received several expressions of sympathy.  
So perhaps I haven't been isolated after all.  
I am tense, as I thought.  
The shrine, which should have been far away, if I would notice, is right in front of me.  
I prepared myself, and landed at the shrine.  
By getting close to those two, I am able to see their expressions.  
I saw Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama with worried faces, and feelings of being sorry welled up.  
To make them make such faces even though they were the two who took great pains to raise me―how ungrateful could I be?  
"Sorry"  
I was about to say that, but right way, I gulped it down.  
No.  
Apology is for later; the word that I need to say first is not that.

"Sanae, Kogasa-chan, okaeri"  
"Okaeri, you two"

The two confirmed my safety, and said that with a smiling face.  
So, I must respond properly to that.  
So that Kanako-sama and Suwako-sama are able to be relieved, with a full smile,

"Tadaima"

* * *

Notes:

(Note 1): If one is able to attach one's tongue to a cherry shoot (sakuranbo no heta (蔓)), then one is said to be good at kissing, although in reality this is not for sure.

Okaeri - somewhat like "welcome back," a greeting for someone returning

Tadaima - a greeting said by someone returning, after being greeted with "okaeri"


End file.
